Kayfabe
January, 4 2018 at 10:08 am

I have had an issue where everything is too loud to me in general, like the TV or music that's in a room but not on earphones. I know there are two separate hearing issues-one makes veryday life sound loud, the other makes people enraged or upset at specific sound types. I seem to have both at once! In general I feel like everything is too loud even things I am never annoyed by such as rock music which I love, or TV shows I like, or my dog other talking. Loud, but not making me hateful at all. Then there are certain sounds that send me off the deep ends. People talk so loud, certain ones more than others, in public and on transit, makes me want to go over and just punch them. All my life even as a child I have despised babies. When I hear a baby cry, or babble or talk or even laugh, It makes me suddenly enraged and homicidally upset. I never knew why but I don't act on what I feel or I would certainly be in prison! Its like a hundred evil thoughts in one seconds time about how I hate children and babies, I hate people who have a child and why would anyone want one? I wish I could shut the thing UP and beat its mother to death just for not shutting it up herself immediately etc. Etc. Until it stops, or I plug my ears with music, I will not be ok again. Another thing that makes me this angry is loud rap music. I do not simply hate rap, but it sends me into a uncontrollable rage inside. So doeslous talking. I want to shut the person up NOW even if that required me to tear out their throat. So I have to sit there and tell myself people are Morons and I can't stop them or act on it because laws protect idiots etc. I have no criminal history at all. But maybe one time my control will fail. Who knows the future. As far as General noises or everyday sound- those do not make me angry, they are simply all way louder to me that to those around me and I tell people how loud the TV is or how loud the cars are and no one agrees. However background noise is my best friend, fans on all the time drown out the sharper stuff I hate. White noise Calms me and music that I LIKE, played on earbuds that drown out the rest of the world calms me completely. On the bus I must do this or I hate everyone near me. And the earbud music on a bit loud doesn't bug me one bit because only music played in a room alongside the usual room sounds it talking freaks me out. Earbud music is just fine. I never know why this is. Just like I have no idea why babies send me into a rage that's even harsher than I feel toward people who have actually harmed me directly. No idea. But I clearly have both disorders. Right now the TV is on pretty low yet it's blasting loud to my ears I had to insert earbuds without listening to anything, just used like earplugs, so I can stay in the room and watch the show and not freak out with a headache. Everyone else says they can hardly hear it. Also modern movies make the dialogue so quiet and the soundtrack so insanely loud, it is horrific. I have to adjust the volume 50 times per film just to hear it all but not the music. What's wrong with these filmmakers? Shut the music UP and tell you boom operator to get closer to the talking.