Thank you for sharing. Am in this place now. Hardest time of my life. Almost identical pain you went through. I suffer from guilt & shame from the blasting I gave to my mother after a lot of trauma & emotional abuse during the time of my dads dying and death. A lot of family dysfunction and I was a scapegoat who was gaslighted. I said things I regret and now have deep depression from the shame of that verbal outburst.
So important to share our story- so others can be set free.
Now the journey begins.