Hi Chris, I am Hailey (nom de plume for security). I am 52 and when I was in H.S. I was raped by over 20 boys on one night. The girls made fun of me; these people were supposed to be my friends. I don’t remember anything from the entire night, so I didn’t even know what they were making fun of me for. It wasn’t until 3 years ago that one of those boys apologized and told me what happened that night. Through my 20’s and early 30’s I was promiscuous, hooking up with any cute guy (some un-cute) that I would meet while out at the bar. I never wanted to get into a close relationship, but for some reason was crushed when we would break up after a couple of months. I would blame myself for some imaginary thing that I had done, or my personality, or something about ME - never HIM. I finally married my first husband at 33. It was great until he went off to war. When he returned, things were different, and we divorced. I met my second husband who I later found out was a raging alcoholic and an abuser. He began sexually abusing me a year into our marriage. After we moved, and he retired from the military things got worse. It was after I ended up in the hospital that I filed for divorce that I ended up in that “asexual” point you described. I don’t think I want to get out of that point. I feel like I am done. I am really sick, and don’t feel like anyone would want me anyway. I screwed up my face by picking at it and causing horrible scarring because of self-esteem issues. The only thing I have going for me anymore is my hair. LOL. A once vibrant, pretty, energetic girl has been reduced to me. I feel defeated.