Hi everyone. Im 29 years old and engaged to my beautiful fiance who i have a baby daughter that turns 3 months today. My fiance has been a stay at home mom since she had the baby ,i know she wanted to socialize and get out of the house so i told her to go out and have fun while i took care of the baby . She went out with one of my best friends girlfriend and 3 other female coworkers, they all hit it off and had a great time ,also this was the first time some of them met my fiance and hung out with her. I ruined it all , everything.
Two of my friends came to have some drinks at home while we waited for the ladys .I am a drinker ,i drink every day , usually wine or scotch.
All i remeber is i lost control , when my fiance came back home with all the girls i could barely stand straight and she was furious ( i dont blame her one bit) she started screaming at me and i lost it , i called her horrible names and when my friend tried getting in between us i shoved him against the dining room table, i threatened to kill everyone and threw up all over the place .
I woke up confused and with no memory of what happened and i realized i drank a whole bottle of jameson .My fiance was locked in the room and told me she didn't want to see me , i tool the day off from work and i go in tomorrow . i dont know how to show my face , im embarrassed , i feel like a waste of life and i want to die .
Everything i do is for my family, I love them more than anything in rhis world , they are my life.
But i let them down and i dont know how to recover from this.
Its not the first time ive had an angry drunk episode .
I think its time for me to stop drinking completely.
I hate myself right now.
Reading all these stories has helped me get through the day.i have bruses on my body and my wrist some how got cut, i think its from punching a hole in the wall.
Ive been goimg to therapy for my anger issues and now i dont know if i should also go to an AA meeting lol
Its as if i am repeating my childhood except im not the scared child , im the angry man with the bottle.
Well its time change i just dont know where to start fixing this mess i made.