Wow.. similar I get turned on by rape and abusive sex and its sick I know! I've been molested by my brother for years growing up and lost my virginity by being painfully raped and assaulted several times, which led me to be very promiscuous in my teens and very early 20's and have very little self worth. I found myself asking a man to choke me out sexually to the point I almost passed out and got turned on by it and I find myself watching abusive porn and BDSM. I don't understand why when I hate those experiences. I don't know whats wrong with me.