Wow. All of these replies are so helpful. I feel less alone. I was molested repeatedly by a neighbor boy—I believe a high schooler—when I was either 4 or 6. My older brother delivered me each time to this boy’s house. I guess my brother was a victim too, I had night terrors and panic attacks and was so afraid someone would come in the night and stab me to death. I told my mother about the abuse and she said it was no big deal. A little nothing. My father was sexual toward me in some ways. I was just sexusluzed and used my sexuality to feel self worth. I think getting guys to like me gave me finally a sense of power. They would want to keep seeing me or get a commitment and I enjoyed shafting them. When I was 20 I went to a plastic surgeon to have a bump removed on my nose. Before the surgery he said I had to have an exam. Alone with him in the examining room, he made me take all my clothes off and he gave me a thorough gynecological and breast exam. I told no one. My first marriage was a disaster—an unfaithful, cruel narcissistic. I am in a much better marriage now but suffer from shame, guilt, tons of anger, fear, PTSD, OCD(sexual obsession) fibromyalgia. I know I take my pain out on others. I am in therapy and starting the healing. It has taken decades to really address my issues.