Hi,
I understand feeling like your scars and your pain aren't significant enough. I also understand feeling lost in all that hurt. I'm sorry that you're still hurting, and that you're still hurting yourself. Have you tried reaching out to a therapist at all? At the very least, your school should have free counseling services that you could possibly take advantage of. A medical professional can be a huge help here.
If that's not an option, it sounds like maybe your boyfriend is someone you can talk to about this? Instead of making promises (and then being afraid to break them and disappoint him), maybe try and set up some goals with him. (You can also try this with another friend, if you have someone else you would rather talk to about this, or even on your own). Start small—instead of "I will never hurt myself again," which can seem too big a promise to keep and therefore not worth trying to, start with "I will not hurt myself today." If that's too much, it's okay to break it down into hours or even minutes if you have to.
Then, once you pass a goal, take a moment to acknowledge it. Pretend you are your own friend; wouldn't you be proud of them for trying to get better? Wouldn't you forgive them if they made mistakes along the way? Wouldn't you love them just the same? If you make progress, take a moment to pat yourself on the back (maybe even reward yourself for big milestones) before move on.
And then... do move on. Push the bar just a little bit further. Once you make it through one day, see if you can make it through two. And so on. Try not to be hard on yourself if you relapse; it happens. DO try and understand why you relapse, if and when you do, and use that knowledge to try and avoid it happening again.
Above all, know this. You are not alone, and you CAN do this. Recovery is possible. I myself am over 10 years clean now. It's not easy, but it gets easier and easier as you go.
Let me know if you have any more questions or comments. Take care.
Sincerely,
Kim