Hi,
I'm so sorry you're hurting, but please believe me when I say that it's GOOD that you're not hurting yourself. SH feels like a solution, but it creates more problems than it solves in the long run. Quitting can be very difficult; it's not uncommon to try multiple times before finally succeeding, but please know that it IS still possible for you to get better. Letting your scars heal is a good first step. So is reaching out here on the blog. If you can, please reach out to others in your life who you can talk through your feelings with -- ideally a mental health professional, but even trusted friends or family members can lend an empathetic ear and make all the difference.
Since you didn't ask for advice, I'll stop at that for now—but if you have any further questions/comments/etc, just ask. I'll be able to reply for as long as I'm still posting on the blog.
Sincerely,
Kim