Blogs
This year, I started training for a particularly ambitious fitness goal: a 10-day trek in the Himalayan Mountains. In October 2023, I will travel to Nepal and embark on the adventure of a lifetime, but first, I need to acclimate to hiking in extreme weather conditions at the highest altitude on earth. That's no small feat for someone who lives in Phoenix, Arizona, a desert with minimal elevation.
You may remember me as the blogger who wrote for "Work and Bipolar or Depression" or "Coping with Depression" here at HealthyPlace. While blogging on this platform has been a career highlight, I took time off from writing about depression for my mental health. Now that I am better, I feel grateful for the opportunity to write for "Mental Health for The Digital Generation." Although I wish I had never left, I know why I needed to do so: we live in a chaotic world where regular mental health breaks are essential.
In 1999, when I was in fifth grade, a police officer came to our school dressed in a Drug Abuse Resistance Education (D.A.R.E.) t-shirt. He was carrying a gun and wearing a stern face. Without any words, he communicated that using drugs led to extreme consequences. His lecture taught us that drug addicts deserve to be locked up. But criminalizing addiction turned out to be more hurtful than helpful.
Have you ever had a moment that makes you question every bit of recovery you’ve achieved to that point? I have—recently, I questioned my skin picking recovery.
Looking back at all my past problems from where I am today, it's often hard to remember just how low I felt. It's hard to remember the many years I spent stuck in a vicious cycle of anxiety, panic attacks, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), not knowing if I would ever be able to break free and live a happy and fulfilling life again. There were intermittent periods of depression when I was unable to see any reason for existence. Thankfully, those days are over.
I have had many people talk to me about struggling with low self-confidence and negative self-talk and how hard it has been for them to train themselves to stop letting negative emotions control their lives. For years, I, too, struggled with these feelings. Self-criticism was a daily practice, and I would find fault in everything I did.
Navigating verbal abuse is never ideal. This toxic behavior can alter how a person sees and trusts others and interacts in relationships. The amount of exposure to verbal abuse can drastically change a person's view or attitude toward themselves and others. This situation is one I'm familiar with since I can see now that verbal abuse has changed me.
Since I have arthritis in my knees and schizoaffective disorder, the migraines I suffer are a substantial extra load. And now I know what it’s like to have my physical illnesses treated more seriously than my mental illness. This is the story of a time when I stood up for my mental health, and my mental illness was treated seriously.
I've learned that it's difficult to fight self-doubt when you are often anxious. Unfortunately, naturally, anxiety and self-doubt go hand in hand. Because of this, my anxiety can affect my decision-making. In other words, when trying to make a choice, I often doubt myself and my ability to make a good decision.
When I spent three months in residential treatment back in 2010, the clinicians would frequently encourage the other patients and me to communicate and honor our needs. This practice was meant to teach us how to separate our own inner voices from the control and influence of an eating disorder. As well-intentioned as these clinicians were, however, I remember asking myself: "How can I learn to express my needs if I'm not sure what they are?"
I just want to say that what you are talking about in your videos resonates with me, and that gives me comfort. I was diagnosed with ad(h)d about a month ago, and it threw me into an identity crisis and deep anxiety. The reason I wanted to get the diagnosis was to gain a deeper understanding of myself. But getting the diagnosis felt like a label on my forehead saying broken /disordered. I stigmatized myself heavily. Now I'm not thinking about the diagnosis every minute and try not to Google every day. I will make this an opportunity to cut myself some slack and give myself some self compassion, but it will take time and practice, I think. I have friends with the diagnosis, but it seems like they didn't take it so "heavily" - but that's me.
So reading about your experience was sort of comforting, to know that there is someone out there who has experienced a similiar reaction. I also recognise the feeling of polishing up and wanting to be "normal", not have depression and anxiety etc. But now that I know that it might be because of how my brain works and not that I'm just being "weak", maybe I will be able to accept myself better from here on. Maybe I'm much stronger that I think? So thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing <3
Believe me, if you are holding down a demanding job, being a wife and mother (no matter how well or badly you think you are doing this), then you are doing, very, very well! And even if you're not, you are still doing SO much successfully.
I live in a rural area as well and it makes so many things harder. Keep advocating for yourself with therapy and doctors! Because of the pandemic and virtual therapy, we have SO many more choices! Look for someone who really focuses on ADHD and Cognitive Therapy.
I have felt my whole life that there was something wrong with me, but I didn't know it was ADHD. I just felt broken, a scatter brain, undisciplined, etc. I finally was diagnosed this year at the age of 57. It's going to take a while to undo the low self esteem issues.