Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior
Forgiving yourself for embarrassing drunken behavior can be tough. Being drunk is one of the most common reasons behind people embarrassing themselves or being stupid. It’s pretty safe to assume that if you have been drunk, you have embarrassed yourself in some small, minor way. And if you’re an alcoholic, you might have some pretty epic stories of nights that ended in a major embarrassment to you or someone else. In some instances, those stories are laughable and can be shaken off or simply shared in jest. In other situations, these are the ghost and horror stories of our drinking days: embarrassing drunken nights never to be admitted or acknowledged in any way because the shame and embarrassment was too great. Embarrassing drunken stories that fueled me to drink more. If I drank more, it would be easy to forget my shame. It took me a long time to forgive myself for my embarrassing drunken behavior.
Now, as a sober, recovering alcoholic, I don’t have that escape anymore. I still have embarrassing moments and I still remember the most awful nights of my drinking days, but I deal with them differently. This is what I do.
Feeling Embarrassed from Your Drunken Behavior? Let Yourself Swear
If my mind is wandering while walking to my car and I remember a particularly embarrassing drunken moment, I will spontaneously start swearing under my breath. To someone walking next to me, it might be a bit alarming, but for me, it’s an instinctive action that actually makes me feel a little better. Swearing is actually good for you, as proven by a study in the United Kingdom, and helps relieve stress. You can release negative emotions and release emotional pain through swearing, so don’t resist it.
Forgive Yourself for Embarrassing Drunk Behavior by Recognizing Your Shame
Much like with addiction recovery, acknowledging your shame is the first part of accepting and recovering from it. A totally normal human emotion, shame, must be dealt with in order to learn, grow, and move forward from a haunting past.
Don’t Try to Rationalize Embarrassing Drunken Behavior
Alcoholism is not rational. If it were, there would not be so many unanswered questions about the disease of addiction. Therefore, trying to justify or explain your drunken antics is a lost cause. Especially because when active in an addiction, people often behave in ways that do not align with their own moral code. So if you’re dealing with shame, chances are you already know what you did was bad or embarrassing and no level of rational thought will make that go away.
Remember People You Have Forgiven
When all else fails, remember that at some point in your life, someone else had to ask you for forgiveness. How or why did you forgive them?
The highest form of love is forgiveness. The greater the offense, the more love is required to forgive that person. Double the amount of love required when you are forgiving yourself. This may be difficult to do, especially in early sobriety when self-loathing is usually at its peak. If you aren’t able to quickly identify five things you love about yourself, you need to adopt some daily practices to boost our self-esteem.
Shame and embarrassment are good reminders of how our alcoholism shaped our behavior, and not in a good way. But like everything, they are only good in moderation: too much shame hinders us and prevents us from living life fully. Work through the embarrassment to forgive yourself. Only then will the shame of your drunken past begin to fade to a memory devoid of pain.
Creative Commons photo attribution to mloberg.
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APA Reference
Doyle, B.
(2015, July 2). Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2023, March 24 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/debunkingaddiction/2015/07/forgiving-yourself-for-embarrassing-drunken-behavior
Author: Becky Doyle
Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to vulnerably share what you're dealing with currently—that is a brave first step. I am so sorry to hear that you're in such pain right now, but I would encourage you to seek help. HealthyPlace's list of mental health resources and hotline numbers is a helpful place to start. You can access it here: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer…. I know it can be difficult, but please continue to reach out.
Sincerely,
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
Comment Moderator
Hi, I am completely and utterly ashamed and my situation has taken over my whole life. I am not a big drinker at all and rarely drink. A few years ago I was going through a rough time dealing with a death of someone very close to me (who ironically died from alcoholism at a young age). I went on a girls holiday with the wrong person and spent night times alone whilst she was ‘finding herself’ after a broken down relationship. I bet so nervous in social situations and has way too much to drink and start dancing in middle of dance floor. I was chatting to a guy and Dancing in a silly way just messing about. Another guy who I had met earlier (a friend of the person my so called friend had left me alone abroad for) had been watching and following me around. I carried on drinking and dancing like an idiot with group on dance floor when one turns to me and says that my boyfriend does not look happy with them- I explained he was not my boyfriend, my partner is at hom. anyway I continue to drink and dance, at end of night when it was time to leave I went and found the guys had been dancing with and leaned up to one had been chatting most with and apologised if had ruined his night due to the evil glares etc, I remember leaning up and kissing him
On face but needed up kissing him for a second on mouth before quickly rushing out of the bar and home - I was mortified!! I have never kissed anyone or anything else other then my partner. Anyway, the next day the whole holiday place we’re staring at me and one lady was staring and ranting staring in my direction rallying everyone around her pointing at me - they also did this at airport and oh joy they were there when got back to local airport too. As someone who gets extremely anxious this was my worst nightmare. She loudly announced she would post it over the internet etc etc . I have never met this person and she doesn’t know me, from what I can gather it is linked to the dancing and mistaken kiss. Nobody has ever directly confronted me about it but I feel like people talk about me at times - this is 5 years later! I don’t know exactly what I did and every single possible worst case scenario has entered my head and my anxiety and paranoia and from snippets I have overheard I worry that the person I kissed was much younger than me (like 17/18!). This has ruined my whole life for 5 years, i stopped going out anywhere, socialising, rarely drink which isn’t a bad thing, I do not talk to people I don’t know and struggle socially. It has affected my home life, marriage, my children as I struggle to go anywhere with large groups. I won’t go out for an evening meal for fear or people looking at me talking about me and judging me and at my very worst I lost weight and tried ending everything. I feel people talking about me and dread that somewhere there are videos online of me dancing /acting like an idiot. I have spoken to confirm councillors and have flashbacks on the events. I will never find out the whole truth as the person who spread the rumours remains unknown to me and I have no way of finding her. This is going to haunt me forever.
Alcohol ruins lives. It makes u make stupid decisions and impulses. Don’t drink unless you are with someone you trust and support to guide you and tell you to stop drinking when you have had enough. Don’t let it ruin your life too.
Waoooo ! I read all your story and I feel kind of related ! I have a couple and I know she loves me! We went on vacations to my hometown ! She got really drunk that night ! My cousin was there but for some reason he didn’t know we were together, he thought we were just friends ; so we were hanging out and drinking and my cousins took him away for a bit and gave her a kiss … she didn’t do anything about it , at the end of the night she told me that happend and her lips had a bruised from the kiss! Interesting…. I got really upset for about a week and thought that wasn’t gonna happen again! Anyways . A week later we go back to the same place and they are talking , she is really really drunk ! When she is drunk she starts dancing like crazy and kind of flirt with guys and love to Dance with other people ! ( I honestly don’t like to dance , so I let her dance with people) so my cousin that still thinks she is my friend … they go away ! I see they are going to his room , I don’t do anything cause I’m so upset about her and cause I wanted to see how far is she gonna go and if she really gonna have sex or do something with him! I think I don’t have to tell her how to behave or act , we all adults ! So she comes back after almost 2 hours , but before that I want to leave the place and she hasn’t come back so somebody else go and check and tell me that whatever is happening inside there is really intense so don’t want to interrupt . So I wait until she comes back , I didn’t say a word , especially cause i didn’t want to make a drama with all the people there so I waited till we got home! I said I didn’t want to be with her anymore , that I felt like a piece of crap and she left with him and more… she was so drunk that she couldn’t remember all the things that happened that night ! She went outside and took some pills into her purse … like maybe she wanted to suicide because all the embarrassing things she did that day ! We talked about it and said that if she were sorber that night that never would happened!
It took me days and lots of tears to “forgive her” cause that happened almost a year ago and I still think about it and cry ! I know she feels really embarrassed and regrets about it and I know she loves me ! But when she drinks that much ,she becomes another person ! She does things that sorber she wouldn’t do ! She suffered from depression, anxiety , adhd, she was molested when was a kid ,tried to suicide before and had many family dysfunctional situations , so I think all this problems are the results of her childhood and past relationships, that’s the reason why I forgave her ! I ve thought that her behaviour and alcohol problem it’s because of all this reasons ! Anyways , because of work , I have been away from home for some months so we’re not together at the same city , and to be honest , everytime she goes out with her friends I feel that I don’t trust her enough, she gets really drunk , and takes long time to reply the phone when I text her ! Cause maybe she is doing something that she is not supposed to or she is really drunk! I don’t know what to do! If I tell her what I have been thinking lately about her , she will say that I’m wrong and that she will never cheat on me or do something stupid like last time ! It’s been really hard for to trust her , even though I know she loves me and has alcohol problems ! Don’t know if I should sacrifice and help her or she let her go even though we love each other !
Going back to your story! Life is so beautiful and amazing that no situation , person or problem can take you down ! Don’t take your life away! You will find a reason to be happy and a reason to be alive !
So you did not help your girlfriend and take her home or something even if you knew she was blacked out drunk and had an alcohol problem. And on top of this you let her leave with another guy in her state of mind because you „wanted to know how far she would go“? That’s kind of cruel….
I’m sorry that you went through all that. Addiction goes hand in hand with mental health disorders. I know I have a hard time regulating my emotions too especially anger. And then I drink… everything goes wrong. I have literally done it all and some. I was out to a meal with my family and a woman yelled out “omg that’s her! They all start laughing” I’m mortified. I go back home and climb in a fetus position for rest of the night. I didn’t know who she was or what she was talking about but I knew I must’ve done something when I was drunk.
I’ve woken up with my hand bleeding, bruises all over my body, clothes missing (signs of rape) along with handprint bruises, a black eye and my long hair cut to my ears. I’ve run off all my friends bc of my toxic drinking behavior. I’ve lost countless of jobs and opportunities. Even been arrested for domestic violence during a drunken fight. I have been hospitalized twice for ODing and one was admitted into a 72 hour hold. They say people commit suicide to a temporary problem but alcoholics commit Suicide to a permanent problem. Sometimes it’s too hard to pick myself back up and face the humiliation again and again. I know people fear is too be forgotten my wish is to be forgotten. I wish no one could have any memories of me and all the awful things I’ve done.
My daughter is older now and my drinking is starting to hurt her life. I completely made a fool of myself to her friends. Now I just want to hide and never leave my house. I wish I had hope.
Hi
Sounds like the toxic relationship with a narcissist I was in, I'm sure you were drinking because you could stop the pain you were going through, but hopefully you didn't go back to him & are now in a loving healthy relationship & I truly hope you are still not suicidal, as I've been exactly where you are & have got the tshirt, love & hugs soul sister, life is beautiful 😊❤
I very rarely have got blackout drunk in the recent years, i kind of got control over my alcohol consumption over the pandemic, and i thought that my relationship with alcohol was getting better, and it was, but sometimes i just loose control over how many drinks i take, and wether i sould keep drinking or not. I got extremely drunk on my birthday party recently, and i wish i had a time machine for a do over. I told pretty nasty things to my sister who just wanted to help me, i told my friends to leave me alone, i dont really remember or know the reason why i was acting so badly. There was this guy (which im into but NO ONE KNEW) and i really went for it, we made out two times (my friends had to tell me since i obviously dont remember), i feel so embarassed because everyone saw and i didnt wanted everyone to know my bussiness, at leat they said it was mutual but still im extremely embarassed. Also i spent so little time with the rest of my guests and i think that was very wrong on my part. They told me they still had a good time but still i have SO MANY regrets, im finding ways to forgive myself and i guess this is one of the ways, just telling my story.
I hate myself. I always drink way too much. I'm literally known by all my friends and family as being the one who can't handle their liquor. I need to stop drinking, but it's just so hard because everyone around me is able to drink without abusing it. I seem to be the only one who is struggling with this and I just feel so alone. I have done so many things that haunt me, they literally play in my mind every time there is a moment of silence. For a while, I thought I was done drinking because of all my bad experiences and the thoughts of a hangover killed me. But once again a few days ago, I go to a party and get wasted. The end of the night is what's blurry. I did a lot of stuff I regret but what stood out to me are these things. I first said I said something really messed up to my friend's crush. I said I was sorry but I honestly am so dumb for that and I feel horrible. Then I went up front waiting for my ride and literally was on the floor, people were picking me up. I went to the neighbor's house and have no idea what I was doing there but I didn't go inside luckily. I don't even know how I got to the place where I slept. I just don't know what happened in some parts and that drives me crazy. I don't know what I did or said. I also don't know what happened to my body. It's been a few days but I am going insane just playing this night in my head. I overanalyze every single situation in my life already, but the fact that I don't know what happened is making me livid. I'm trying to forgive myself for this and all those other times but honestly, all these embarrassing drunken moments make me want to end it.
I’ve been hitting drinking pretty hard over the last few years…. Maybe even more! I ended up in Hospital two days ago after drinking half a bottle of gin and a bottle of wine in the space of about 2 hours! I fell over and knocked myself out, I managed to call an ambulance myself and then refused to go with them. When they got me to hospital I discharged myself without the head injury being stitch up. I feel so embarrassed and this was all done when my two little ones were in bed. I’m so ashamed of myself right now :-(
Well I don't have a drinking problem per say but I do have a relationship problem. I am 37 and have had an almost lifetime history of dating and getting completely wasted on the first night. It had been a year since my last relationship which ended up being one of my longest which was a year and half and yes, I drank so much the first night while he remained pretty sober embarrassing myself in the process however, he stuck by my side even bringing me soup the next day. but the other night I met someone after like I mentioned a year of not dating anyone who I met on a dating site he's ten years younger and I guess pretty immature. He came over to my place and before he had even arrived I had already chugged half of half a (medium size) bottle of vodka . next thing I know I am wasted and we have sex and its probably the most awful sex he has had since I get super insecure and I talk a lot about nonsense, my problems and my past and usually lecture a lot. anyways, he finished his business( after a bit of time where I wasn't going to get anything out of it due to my current state ) and immediately left not even saying good bye. Not only did I feel like crap the next day but i felt like a loser, ugly, pathetic, and you name it. I just want companionship but I dont know why I feel I have to drink to be comfortable to make bonds with men.
So I tend to have this problem every once in a while when I over do my alcohol intake (especially when weed is involved) and I’ve noticed I’ve gotten worse since the pandemic. I tend to get upset at my boyfriend for not spending time with me or for not wanting to stay out drinking. He is a PC gamer and I usually don’t get mad at him for playing but sometimes when I’m drunk everything goes downhill. I’m guessing it’s the fact I rather not drink alone but at the same time I somehow wish I had a voice of reason in my mind telling me to take it down a notch. We don’t ALWAYS have to drink together and he doesn’t ALWAYS have to tell me everything etc etc. But when I get drunk I start thinking of the things he’s not doing versus the things I wish he was doing. In a way it’s a very selfish mindset and it’s as if I forget all the good things he’s done for me. It scares me when I get like this because it’s almost like playing roulette and never know what kind of drunk I’ll be that night. I’m either happy and chill drunk or crazy girlfriend drunk. For example last night when I accidentally played with the breaker box and turned off his PC (I actually didn’t know that the first switch was gonna do that but I also don’t know why I even thought of it? It’s as if the personality of a crazy girlfriend took over me . I don’t know what came over me but I’m still in disbelief as to why I did that. me and my bf made up and I told him I’ll work on it but im afraid of it happening again. I just wish I was always that chill drunk but like I said it’s like a game of roulette and I can’t predict my drunk emotions. I really hope the next time I can control my emotions better. Because I like to drink and I don’t want to have to stop because I can’t control my emotional behavior. I’m sure it has something to do with my overall health, the potency of the alcohol and how crossfaded I get but I hate replaying my embarrassing moments in my head and wishing I can go back in time and never do them. I just want to move on and forgive myself. But It’s so hard especially when I keep repeating them. As a tomboy growing up, I really don’t want to turn into a nightmare girlfriend lol
Hey Nessie,
You’re certainly not alone! The relationship element really struck a cord with me as I do exactly the same. I have the loveliest partner but yet always seem to take things one step too far because of my drink intake. I had to apologise to him only yesterday for just always lashing out at him when I’m drunk but he’s literally loved by everyone and an absolute angel. He’s a gamer and I think my only fault I have with him is that he can be a bit lazy… but honestly it’s nothing. I think I just crave having someone to talk to on a deeper emotional level and that’s what I think I’m doing when I’m drunk right .. but actually most of the time I make no sense. I’ve lashed out at him in front of his family, at parties, on our own and I know it’s not fair.
I’ve always had an addictive personality.. but this part of my personality always makes me ashamed. I don’t know about you but I think for me the first step is admitting this isn’t good for me or others around me. I’m lucky with how they’ve responded until now.. but that might not always be the case. I don’t want it to be as serious as to admit I think I have a drinking problem, because I think of alcoholism as something severe and extreme. I actually think it’s just when it effects your life, even if it’s once a month or a week or a year.
I hope you can work it out and find a more stable pattern. My other half is bad at opening up, but I know he cares, so maybe they just need a little nudge to know how to help? Sending my thoughts to you x
Hi all. I am currently struggling with something extremely embarrassing that I did on Friday. I'm currently going through a divorce. Last week, I went on an amazing date with this incredibly hot guy I had great chemistry with. Unfortunately, I got blackout drunk with my sisters on Friday after a particularly rough week and apparently texted or called this guy. All I remember is him texting me that I was scaring him. I deleted everything from my phone while I was still drunk and don't know what I did or said. I apologized the next morning but I know I'll never see him again. I'm such an idiot and feel so stupid and ashamed and mad at myself for ruining what could have been a fun thing. Need some help with self forgiveness.
I'm so thankful for all the posts on here, it helped me a lot. So I wanted to share my story. I'm an alcoholic for two years now. I recently moved into a new flat with two other people. They are really nice and I'm feeling really welcome. Just four days after me moving in we went to a party. I got so drunk... I can't remember anything. But, as it turned out, I told my new flatmates about my addiction. We had a really honest but also embarrasing talk. They now know about my addiction. I still don't know what went down that evening. I'm afraid of all the embarrasing things I did or if I might sexually harassed someone. I begged my romemates not to tell me anything, it would have ruined me. Even though I don't know what happened, I'm feeling so guilty and bad. I ruined my whole life because of alcoholism. Please don't do what I did. Please get help
English is not my first language by the way, so please bare with me
These stories really hit home. Ive dealt with binge drinking and embarrassment from it most of my life. Mainly blacking out a couple times a year. Starting as a teen now 36. Im so grateful much worse hasn’t happened to me when i was in those conditions. Im haunted from those moments, i rethink the blurs of those nights in my head all the time. I cant count how many times ive embarrassed myself and others, especially significant others and family. There isnt a day that i dont hate myself for my drunken mistakes. I may go a week or more without drinking and live relatively healthy life but im beginning to wonder if there’s permanent damage from this. I hope maybe if i have a family one day it will help me look past what ive done. I have a very loving family that is always there for me. I pray i dont screw up my marriage or life in tge future. I believe quitting drinking would help me but its very hard to see people and think about not drinking and explaining why im not.
I really had a embarrassing drunk night , it was a official party with many architects , planners and so on , I am a fresher 21 yrs female it was my first official party with many people , and I did a big mistake , Since the drinks were free I drank a lot till I was totally blank out , in my memory i see a little bits of myself in gents toilet asking some of the officials to help me with the dress , I wore a jump suit that day , I asked someone to call my friends to take me home , I was feelin soo hot , I thought of watchin a porn to masturbate , I don't remember whether i masturbated in public what if i had , It haunts me everyday . I was talking to one of the official whose company I interned , and while we were talkin I passed gas , which was soo loud . There is also a piece of image were i removed my underwear when it got wet and i carried it and talked about it to someone , I slept on the floor some people helped me . I was running for some tissues and puked ,a lot .
I ruined myself because of alcohol that day , I cant forget it has been more than a year ,sometimes i feel to end my life , it was my fault , it was me , i am ashamed of myself , i am a total idiot.
Hi, kiki
I have had many such instances and have even made plans to off myself because of the shame. I am not a therapist so I won't risk giving advice that might hinder or hurt. I will say there are times I find peace with my memories, and give myself some forgiveness. I feel I have become a better person by being aware of the dangers concerning addiction and substances. I hope you can turn this around and understand you were in a black out. It's no reflection of your morals, values, or personality. Sometimes, people will say things like, alcohol shows the truth, blah blah blah. You never hear science or therapists say things like this, because it's not at all true.
I have masturbated in public, led police on a high speed chase for over 30 minutes, and often times lost my money or bank card. All of these things happened in a black out, without any motivation other than I was that drunk. You can softly blame yourself for the mistake of drinking at a company party. (many have done this) But know that the alcohol is often the villain, and people who are wonderful human beings can do things completely out of their control and character. I hope you begin to heal and can rest easy soon. I still have moments that haunt me, which is why I'm here in the first place. Be kind to yourself, and I hope you get through this and become stronger. Love and peace to you.
I have been struggling with forgiving myself for awhile for the drunk behavior I did a couple months back. My boyfriend and I were drinking one night and I had a curfew but was to messed up to make it home, so he took me inside his house to meet his mom to see if I could stay the night and mind you he’s never brought anyone to meet his mom besides me which makes me feel even worse for this but anyways I blacked in and out when I met her and I don’t wear underwear(personal choice) so apparently I pulled my pants down to show her the tattoo on my thigh. She along with his auntie saw my private area, I don’t remember doing that, i still got to stay the night but I embarrassed myself and my boyfriend that night. I talked to her the next day sober and apologized, she appreciated that and we were okay. Then a couple weeks later me and him were drinking again and we decided to spend the night at his house, I remember pulling up to his house and we were parked outside for awhile, I wanted to go in and sleep but my boyfriend still wanted to sip on his drink and that’s the last I remember. The next morning I woke up in his house with no pants and a blanket on me. Now, his bed is in the living room out in the open where everyone goes. I find my pants outside on the truck and I put them on and go back in. His mom is in there this time though and she tells me that his dad along with his auntie and brother seen me half naked that morning as they were going to work, remember I don’t wear underwear so they saw everything! I was completely ashamed.. I talked to her again later that day and she was furious, she forgave me but it wasn’t the same. Let’s just say one more thing happened to where as I was sober but still got the blame. My boyfriend laid his hands on me one night while he was blacked out at her house, she was telling me that it wasn’t who he is, this and that (although she tells me the drunk stuff I did to her is who I am and I don’t blame her but it’s not true, I never liked alcohol 6 months ago and I never meant to harm anyone, I always apologized.) and she called the cops on him, they couldn’t find him so they left (he was under the bed that whole time lmao) but anyways I didn’t wanna be there when he woke up so I called my cousin to pick me up, I told her what happened and told her not to tell anyone. She told her boyfriend and he got mad mine laid my hands on me so he went up and hit my boyfriends moms car! I told him to get in wtf was he doin that wasn’t my boyfriends car.. even made him go back and apologize but she was mad. She thought we were trying to bash out her car windows but he didn’t and I had no idea he was gonna do that. I am no longer allowed near her house and I know her dislike for me is strong. I’m a good person, his family thinks that I’m just a drunk and always blames me for my boyfriends drunk behavior also but that’s not the case. I got a job again, quit drinking but it don’t do any good with them, they don’t care. Just sucks it had to be like that. Sucks I had to drink. Anyways drinking led to those embarrassing and shameful events, I regret it a lot. I wish they knew that wasn’t who I am. I wish I never done those things. I still feel so shitty.
Keep hanging in there. It is cliche, but time will heal. Everybody makes mistakes and there is a good chance it was not even remotely close as a big deal to them as it was to you. Stuff happens when people are drunk and people realize that. There is so much worse that could have happened than you being naked. First of all, your boyfriend should never have brought you to meet his mom if you were that noticeably drunk. He did not put you in the best situation. Just keep moving forward and don't ever let him hit you...that is the biggest issue throughout this whole deal. A mother who has a son that hits women is more embarrassing than somebody accidently getting naked while black out drunk, remember that. YOU are not the problem in this equation. Keep hanging in there.
Need some help and someone to calm me down...I drink moderately with friends on weekends and rarely have issues. I don't see myself as a heavy drinker, sometimes I go months without drinking, and sometimes I drink 3 days in a row. It is very spotty and depends on occasion (weddings, friends in town, etc.) Once in a while (about once a year) I brown out while downtown in my hometown. I live in a small town so I say and do things I typically regret because everyone knows me and my family. Anyways, recently I was very drunk downtown and can only remember moments. I recall having a conversation with an older lady who is a family friend that I do not know that well. I recall being so drunk I kept asking the same questions over and over again to the point where she told me to leave her alone and she told me that I was an idiot. I cant remember what I said/did to make her so upset but I know she wasn't that drunk which makes it that much worse. I really hope I didn't do anything inappropriate towards her, as that is not like me in any way. But I cant remember fully. My girlfriend was in the same bar, but across the way so I feel like if it was something inappropriate it would have caused a scene and my girlfriend would have been mad at me. After I got yelled at I went up to another couple and was in this girls face and she kept backing up and I kept trying to talk to her and she told me to back away. The music was super loud and I was just trying to talk but I think she thought I was the weirdest guy in the planet as my face inched closer as she kept backing away. Turns out we have mutual friends and this was the first time they met me...great. I can't function for some time when this happens. It replays in my head for days and weeks after. I am banking on the fact that they know deep down I don't typically act like that and that I am a good person, but I just don't know. I can't get over it and I'm afraid to bring it up to anyone just incase they end up revealing more bad things I did and then I have to start all over with the shame and guilt. Thanks in advance...
Hey, don't worry. The things you did are absolutely standard for drunken people. So the people in your town laughed about it the next day but now it is forgotten and they continue with their own problems. You did nothing spectacular. You were just drunken with standard drunken actions.
Don't think too much about this older lady. She was annoyed and just tried to stop your questions. What would you say to someone who are annoying you with the same questions over and over again?
But this woman knows that you were just drunken.
You have to know that this hangover shame spiral let us think that we are the center of the universe with our actions. But we are just humans and other people know that and don't give our drunken actions so much attention as we do.
Urgh, just wanted to share here as I've been feeling so mortified and sick with what I did drunk. I had just got a fresh start, moved house and a new job, things were going well until I started getting bullied at work. I tried to keep my head down and not say anything, but it go so bad I got signed off sick. I was just a mess about it as I really thought I had a job for life, it was with the local council, but things were not working out. They had got me to make a Facebook to stay in touch with them all. I deleted the messenger as it was just constant and I couldn't escape. Well the other night, the ring leader tried to friend me, I ignored it and next min her family members tried to friend me. I got really wound up as just wanted to be left alone, I ended up hitting the drink, it was just beers but I got wrecked, I started posting things about the bullying drunk, saying how my daughters dad was dead and wishing people would stop asking if she had a Dad, other things saying I was off sick and wanted to be left alone, I'm just to embarrassed to look at what I said. When I woke up in the morning I was so embarrassed, I feel like I was being pushed and I took the bait, and now have made a complete ass of myself and look like a total nut job. I never wanted an account. I quickly deleted the account, wrapped up my work stuff, posted it with my notice saying my health couldn't take it. I suffer from depression and anxiety, so can get really triggered and alcohol makes it so much worse I don't know why I drink. I basically ran away I was so embarrassed. I can't believe I let it get to me and now I look like a total fool because of my drinking. I'm 36 and I'm. So embarrassed what I am going to tell people why I left my job. My so called friend must've seen the posts (I didn't put many people due to management on there) he was so abrupt the next day and cancelled to see me. Most friends were supportive and said to just leave. But because of the job, alot of so called friends said I was being sensitive and to stick it out. Well I tried that and then made an ass of myself. Just wish I could run away
Hello Nicole,
I know exactly how you feel. When I still had Facebook my fingers were so fast when I was drunken. Every morning after a boozy night I've been waking up with this strong anxious feeling and I knew exactly that I've been writing everything which bothers me on Facebook. It was so horrible. No I use Instagram instead and I don't write drunken long texts anymore. But if you think I have myself better under control now you are wrong. I discovered my drunken passion for videos now. 🤦
I'm spending drunken hours of making videos during the night. Hardly trying not to look drunken in them. The last videos which I'm discovering on my phone next morning are without my face. Just a candle and my fucking stupid drunken voice talking about politics, the deeper sense of life, gratefulness and other stuff people don't wanna listen during the night. After such nights I'm always counting the days until the point I think people have forgotten my embarrassing moments.
So the other night it was my friends birthday party and they got a party bus that went to different bars and it was really fun! I had a blast my boyfriends had a blast but... I was drinking my drinks and taking shots and mixing too many drinks so I basically blacked out. We got to their house and we were maybe there for 10 minutes and I started bawling my eyes out for some reason I don’t know. This happens a lot when I get drunk and is really embarrassing.. I only remember going outside to get air w my friend and that’s it. My boyfriends says he thinks only a few people saw me but I don’t know if that’s completely true, I think he’s trying to spare my feelings. But I’m super embarrassed about it and I feel like I possibly ruined the night. And on top of it his mom saw me bawling as well.... ugh I hate this feeling and I never want to drink AGAIN!
Hi all,
I am struggling with a drunken stupid night.
I’m a new mother of a 10 month old, I was in a very toxic narcissistic relationship with the my child’s father which I feel like I’m doing fine with the break up most days but some days I can see I still haven’t allowed my self to heal and deal. ( I left him when I was 7 months pregnant) anyways , I just started hanging out with a friend I haven’t hung out with in awhile due to my ex not liking her for many reasons, she’s super slutty and a bit wild , but she’s honest and open about it. Anyways I stated to hang out with her again, 4 out of the 5 times we hung out we drank. 2 out of those 4 times I got soo hammered I blacked out and forgot most of the night, the first night wasn’t too bad I just was kinda rude to her one friend that night. But the night that just happened was Monday, and I got sooo drunk , I was once again rude to one of her friends , long story short he was hitting on me and I was not about it so I dismissed it in probably not the nicest way but like i said I blacked out for some of the night so I don’t remember full on details, but the biggest thing was aside from the fact that I was probably so obnoxious all night, so much sarcasm, and weird lame jokes, I also hit on my slutty friends guy she’s seeing. I don’t know exactly how I hit on him, but I’m sure it was just disturbing. As soon as I realized what the fuck I did, I called my friend into my room shut the door and told her hey I hit on your guy. I’m so sorry. And she brushed it off like it’s okay. But it’s really not, they left shortly after that and now my friend hasn’t talked to me in days. I first off was a wild drunk, second off hit on the dude she is all about , and was so excited for me to meet and I made a complete ass of myself. I feel so ashamed because first off I hate making mistakes like this because I am a mother, I hate that I allowed myself to get like this yet again like I’m 19 again. I have been over thinking the whole night for the last few days I just feel like an awful shitty person. I really just don’t know my alcohol limit after having a child less than a year ago and my friends limit is sooo high I can’t keep up and when I try I do the most stupidest shit. All I keep thinking about is what I kinda shit I said that I don’t remember , and wow what is she thinking about and what the other 2 people we’re thinking. I am my hardest critic I just feel like an over all awful person, and just trashy as all hell. I know in sometime it won’t hit me like it is now, but I just don’t know how to cope properly with it all. I do know that like I stated I don’t know my limit and that is a huge sign for me to really take a break, like I said it’s only been 2 times that I got like this for years but , wow do I ever just feel like an awful horrible person.
I am reading your story and although my heart breaks for you, I can tell you that it does get better; you will go through difficult, possibly embarrassing times but the fact you are even questioning your behaviour is a great first step.
Being a single parent is a major change ( my partner ditched me when I told him I was pregnant at 8 weeks - he said I was just a fling and wasn’t someone he wanted to be with) but 25 yrs on with the most wonderful daughter, I am so fortunate to have the life I have.
My issue (when I look back) is I lost who I was by becoming pregnant and having a baby. Before my pregnancy I was cute and flirtatious Sarah, dressing up to go on nights out, flirting and having fun. Then, with pregnancy and being a mother I suddenly became almost invisible - I wasn’t looked at the same way by guys and I didn’t know how to behave in this new motherhood role; it was such a major change and I didn’t know how to act with guys. I really feared that I would be seen as desperate, or that I was looking for a father for my daughter - such a confusing time.
I drank when I was out (fortunately I didn’t really have a babysitter so it was once a month if that), I sometimes made a fool of myself but what helped was my friends. They knew that I was struggling, they would tease me about my unsuccessful crushes (guys that were really so unimportant that I can’t remember their names now!) and they would pick me up when I was embarrassed about what I had done or said the previous night. They would tell me two things - I wasn’t half as bad as I had imagined and they would remind me that when they are drunk and done something silly, I never judged them so why would they judge me?
Speak to your friend, it is so much better to know what happened than torturing yourself with half remembered memories. Explain why you are finding it difficult, if she is a true friend she will listen and empathise. If she is mean and dismissive, she is not the friend for you (and try not to call her your slutty friend - you should have a judgment-free friendship 😉).
Work out strategies with friends when you are planning a night out - get them to encourage you to drink a soft drink on every second drink.
Learn your drinking limits in a safe environment (like a friend’s house). I drink wine and I realised that if I am in a bar, I can count how many glasses of wine I have had but at a friend’s house, with a glass continually being topped up, I ended up losing track and drinking far too much. Now I finish a glass before I it’s refilled.
Dilute your drinks (I add water to my wine and now a straight glass of wine is too strong for me).
If your friends think you have had enough, they can say (with kindness) “that it’s - time for home”.
If you are rude to them when drunk, you need to work out if that’s the type of “drunk” you want to be.
Change the way you drink - does it have to be in a bar? What about at home, with friends, having dinner?
Most importantly - don’t be so hard on yourself and practice self-forgiveness - this is a challenging (but wonderful) time for you and your baby - after a bad night, just think that tomorrow is a fresh new day and I will try to do better next time.
Good luck, enjoy every moment with your baby as they grow up so fast but remember - it’s worth it!
heyy, last night was my brothers 21st and i got pretty drunk but I was having such a great time. I’m straight but I was dancing with this girl who kissed me and told me she was no but after the kiss I said sorry I’m straight. After that when I danced with other people she got mad at me and left. I didn’t think too much about it but I just woke up and my brother was telling me how we kissed in front of everyone like friends and family were especially aunties and cousins. I really hope they won’t judge me from that and I feel so ashamed. I didn’t even think it was that bad till my brother told me everyone saw it. And I hope i didn’t lead the girl on. I’m not sure what to do.
I just broke up with my boyfriend because he hit me an left me with a blue eye got so frustrated an went out with my friend mixed alcohol an ended up going to a friend s house they say I was so loud ended up wandering the gated area security was called thinking am a thief .peed on his couch coz I couldn't walk .I feel like dying right now coz the was people in the house.I suffered depression for a long time an did very bad things drunk .its time to quit .I even lost my phone in the process. I don't know how I'll over come this .am so stressed .I wanna start afresh but things I did hunts me .I can't even sleep.I hope they didn't take videos .iv decided to stay away from alcohol an fix my life .am just worried they wil never forgive me
hey there, i’ve done the same things, even worse! worrying about the horribly embarrassing things i did and feel so guilty that i assume everyone i was with never wants to see me again. i felt so much shame for like a month after my last blackout but it’s just something people forget about. it’s happened to everyone and i’m sure the people you were with didnt think about it nearly as much as you did. you got this!
Hey, god do I ever know that feeling, I am 27 and have been abusing alcohol ever since I was in grade 9 , completely messing up over and over , so many tears shed and arguments , hell I done it 2 nights ago, stuff I would never think I’d do or say. Just know you are not alone, I haven’t been drinking a lot but when I do it always ends up embarrassing and just simply not ME.. The best place to start is realizing that if it always ends up anything but a good time, maybe cutting alcohol out for good is a right solution and work on you. Life is only short they will forgive you ! Keep your head up everyone makes mistakes. Especially on alcohol.
Hello Mary,
I just realized I only commented on your reply and didn’t send a reply. My post was made May 29, if that could be deleted that’d be great. Thank you so much for creating a platform where everyone could express themselves and feel validated.
Thank you,
Maci
Hello,
I would like to delete the comment I published on here. I want to forget about the situation once in for all
Thank
Hi Maxi,
Which comment is yours on this thread?
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
Comment Moderator
Hello,
I wrote my name wrong, my name is maci, I posted it around may I think, I just have gotten a lot better and I want this part of my past to be erased.
Thank you,
Maci windberg
Hi Mary,
Have you been able to find my comment, it is under Maci Winderg around May.
Thank you,
Maci
Hi Maci,
My name is Natasha Tracy and I'm the Blog Manager here.
I don't see a comment with your name on it on this post. If you can provide me with a link to the comment you would like to be removed, I'm happy to do so.
- Natasha Tracy
Hello,
Im not sure if my messages are going through :( I can’t find a direct link to the comment but it was posted in this blog post under the name Maci Windberg on May 29, 2020.
Thank you,
Maci
Hi Maci,
I did manage to find your original comment and it has been deleted.
- Natasha Tracy
I don't even know where to start... I started getting blackout drunk since 2014 and it got pretty bad I would wake up scared and confused to what happened the say before..it cause problems in my relationships, with my partners and friends. I feel like my friends take it less hard because they know how I am but for strangers looking at me its definitely like wtf is wrong with this girl (in my.opinion), its weird because I will be completely fine and the alcohol just hits me out of nowhere, I used to think it was the cigarettes combined with the alcohol but sometimes I don't even smoke, so idk what it is... I quit drinking about 3 years ago, I only drank for birthdays or would have a 1-2 drinks for a celebration but I avoided alcohol heavily and started to focus on myself as blacking out really plays a toll on my mental health and its super embarrassing to find out the things you've done when you were blacked out. I've been told it seems like I got possessed with another person because I don't act like myself I start wobbling and falling everywhere. Nothing I say makes any sense. I went out the other day with my partner to a house warming and I was casually drinking trying to warm up (as I don't know these people and I have social anxiety) I was sipping on coolers because I didnt want to get super smashed and I ate a shit ton of food before I got there as well...the shots started to come around and I kept saying no and then ended up giving in to them...but made them pour really tiny shots...I ended up blacking out and find out that I probably fell to the ground 6-7 times probably made a fool of myself and I'm really embarrassed as these are my bf's really close friends so what they think of me definitely matters to me...idk what to do now I'm embarrassed to see them/talk to them....I'm sad that I put my bf in that situation...I've told him when we got together that I'm a really bad drunk and That's why I don't really drink but I don't think he took it seriously when I told him...I'm feeling really shitty about this whole situation...he said he's not mad but I'm sure he is as I just made a fool out of myself in front of his friends that are just meeting me..
Hey, similar thing happened to me and I'm so so mortified! My partner and I have been together for 8 years and just moved out of the city to a country town, we're a pretty introverted couple usually and mainly stick to ourselves. Anyway this particular day we started drinking wine around midday and made our way through 2 bottles, decided it was a good idea to head to the local pub and say hello to some of the locals. We haven't really met many people since moving and really want to settle here long term. When I get extremely drunk I'm a super annoying, overly friendly person...over the years I have had some damn embarrassing moments which caused some issues in my relationship so endeavoured to cut back the alcohol. Haven't had any drunken mishaps until this particular night. I proceeded to completely embarrass myself in front of all the locals (who've lived in this town for years) and while my partner says I didn't do anything outrageous or he reckons my behaviour wasn't even that bad, I do remember a few things I said in a completely friendly way that could've been taken as flirting, because not everyone was aware my partner was there as well. But being so drunk and kissing my bf at different intervals I thought everyone was aware we were together. I also have four brothers so I usually get along with guys more. I vaguely remember saying some questionable things and made a complete fool of myself. Guh so embarrassing, it's a small town so there will definitely be some talk and I'm so ashamed because what a stupid impression to leave the locals with, my wonderful guy and his shameful gf. Bloody hell. Luckily he knows exactly what I'm like and isn't worried how it may look but How on earth do I face everyone now! So much for a smooth entry into living here long term. I won't be drinking like that again that's for sure. I'm surprised I was so happy friendly in a group of people we don't know! I'm usually so shy and quiet when I meet people! Ugh
So how are things going? Did everyone forget about the wild night at the pub or?? I need an update! Your story is very similar to mine.
i’m embarrassed. and need to get this out. last night i went out for a celebration and got a jumbo marg at dinner. i was completely fine when we left and started to feel it while someone drove us to the second location. my friend ordered a drink at the second location and i had some. then suddenly i wasn’t fine. i don’t remember paying, getting in the car, being driven home, or getting back in to my apartment. and i hate that so much. then the worst thing happened. i wet the bed. thankfully i live alone and not a soul knows this about me. i plan on taking it to the grave. i’m so embarrassed and no one even knows but i’m my worst critic. last night has me thinking of giving up alcohol. i don’t drink often and i’ve only ever been drunk maybe six times bc i have a fear of losing control (hence why i’m so SO ashamed of this incident). i haven’t cried about it but i feel like i need to. blacking out from drinking is the scariest thing for me and i don’t know what to do.
This has happened to me a couple of times and I still think about it to this day, your definitely not alone
I read this post and I have nothing but compassion for you. All of these things we did (I have a ton of embarrassing moments) were just symptoms of a larger problem. They weren't an indication of who we truly are at our deepest, healthiest level. It takes time and practice, but thinking of what a friend or someone who's been in similar experience would say to you is such a good exercise. Alcohol changes us mentally, emotionally and physically - hence wetting the bed. And if a friend was telling me this story, I would say, "I'm so sorry you were hurting. You are such a beautiful person."
I really love your response. I think so many people think a drunk night defines them. I do I've messed up so many times, however, I had a lot of trauma and disappointments in my life, (although I am in therapy and I personally believe in God) I sometimes abuse alcohol because I don't want to think about things (I want to numb myself). I threw up at someone's house who hosted my birthday party, I felt so embarrassed especially this is a group of people that are in my network. I reached out apologized and offered to pay for any damages, I had to be ok with them accepting my apology or not. (You'll be surprised that the people that judge you are actually projecting or have done worse things than you).
I love how the author says you have to give more love to forgive and I had to give that to myself. This actually became the catalyst for my change to be the "healthier me." I love how you brought up how you can understand that someone is a beautiful person and acknowledge their hurt. Sometimes that's all a person needs is love and not to be scorned for being human.
Hey y’all I’m on here this afternoon to share my story because I made a mistake about a year and a half ago that messes my mood up every time I think about it. It was my freshman year of college and I met this guy, I started liking him quick since we started hanging out and about 2 months down the road I asked if he had any alcohol cause he was of age so I knew he had something. He let me come over and get some Hennessy he had and it was one of those flask like bottles. He told me I could stay for a little bit but not over night cause he had work early in the morning. Well I thought to myself why not get too drunk so I don’t have to leave... lol. Mind y’all I’ve never been a drinker and I’ve never been drunk drunk before. I ended up drinking the whole flask in about 45 minutes to an hour and even before I did that he asked me if I’d wanna stop and save the rest for another night and I said no so he just let me do what I want. Long story short I came up to him wanting to kiss him and stuff and everything was fine until my head eventually fell over (as he told me) and he knew I was too drunk to do anything so he stopped out of respect. The alcohol started to hit me hard and I eventually couldn’t walk (could barely even get on my hands and knees). I told him I needed to use the bathroom but mind you he stayed in a dorm still and the bathroom was outside his room so he said he wouldn’t let me go till I could show him I could walk by myself cause he didn’t want someone to see me in that state. I really had to go and he didn’t wanna help me so I said “fine then I’m just gonna piss myself” and so I did on his floor.... and eventually fell to the floor (I felt paralyzed), started throwing up, and then began shaking cause I started to feel so cold. I felt so scared and I remember telling him that. I literally couldn’t control myself at that point and he had me crawl over to him so he could clean the throw up out of my hair for me. He changed me into some night clothes and put me into bed (he had an extra bed in his room cause it was for 2 people but it was an old dorm so everyone go their own room). When I woke up I didn’t remember much of what had happened and he gave me a cup of water and some bread before he left for work. I asked him what happened last night and he said he’d just tell me later (cause it was embarrassing obviously) but I insisted on in telling me and he told me what happened but then he also told me I asked him if he was going to rape me... I don’t remember saying that at all but I felt like the worst person ever cause I’d been messing around with him prior to this and I’ve never thought about him in that way. But I guess since I felt paralyzed and being raped is one of my biggest fears that’s why I said it to him. I kept saying sorry to him and he said it’s okay but I knew it wasn’t. He just told me to stop saying sorry cause it’s not gonna change anything (not in a mean way) and that he wasn’t mad. I’m thankful that out of all people it happened in front of him cause he’s a genuine guy but since then every time I see him in person or on social media I feel nervous, embarrassed, and stupid. I see what I did that night when I look at him. He’d usually has to say hi to me first cause I feel like I shouldn’t even say hi. I hung out with him like 1 or 2 more times after all that happened so he def forgave me but I still feel so bad knowing I did that in front of him cause he was actually a good dude and I tend to put people on a pedestal. I can’t say I feel fully better about it even a year and a half later and even now that he has graduated (So I don’t have to see him all the time) I feel bad and this whole thing has stopped me from wanting to let another guy in cause I’m afraid of doing something stupid again. Idk how to forgive myself.
I asked a guy to hangout I used to work with and ended up hanging out and having some drinks. Didn’t eat anything that day and got completely wasted and don’t remember anything after. My girlfriend had come to see me and saw I was wasted this day with her boyfriend and his co worker. I fell on my butt in front of all of them and then did more embarrassing things throughout the night I don’t remember. Don’t even know how to recover from this. At all. Been two days and I still can’t stop thinking about it and the stupid decisions I made.
I embarrassed myself once again last week Saturday and I can’t stop thinking about it. I was drinking wine with my friend and I lost control (again for the 100th time). I went to knock at a guy I used to have a thing with door, we live in the same building because we’re in college. I knocked so loud that everyone on his floor came out, and then when I entered his room I just started throwing up. I then left and when to knock on another person’s door but I don’t remember what happened after that. I hate myself so much that I don’t ever want to show my face to anyone . I am so embarrassed and the bad thing is that I always embarrass myself.
I have a problem with alcohol and drugs and carried a TV out of my house trying to sell it I'm so embarrassed I don't want to show my face in my neighborhood I live in apartment complex.Im going to get help tomorrow I'll do good for a few months then mess up.I pray it works this time you'll get through
I am sorry you have gone through this , and I understand the feeling of always embarrassing yourself all too well...
I myself developed a really bad drinking problem throughout my teen years and into my early adult years. Around 2018 I had a complete life crisis and was drinking basically every day and going out to clubs every weekend , which resulted in many drunken embarrassing moments as well as being victim of sexual assault and harassment many times as well, many times which I can’t even remember fully.
I have walked with my dress up to my belly button, fallen all over crowded clubs and streets.
Talked to people and grabbed them to dance without their consent
And many more countless things which still haunt me to this day and we’re almost in 2021.. and I have been clean for almost two years.
If you end up reading this one day; just know there’s always someone that knows what you feel :)
Or worse, you’re not alone and we make mistakes hopefully in time we find a way to forgive ourselves!